Although this blog was set up for Gabriel, I have to stop for a moment and share Anthony….Friday was his 5th "Birth" day……as we celebrated his day I can't help but have these moments of sadness…you see we don't know and may never know if it is actually his "birth" day, it's an estimate ….. you see TODAY, the 13th of January - 5 years ago - a sweet little infant was found in the residential area of an industrial park…..how long was he there for? we will never know…did his birth mother or father leave him there or was it a family member or a friend? we will never know….he was found with a blanket, a bottle and a half of bag of formula….he was maybe 48 hours old but HE. WAS. FOUND….. he was left because he was born in a country that has decided that a child that doesn't
look perfect isn't permitted to have the love of a family, that he isn't
acceptable, that…-WHO THE HECK KNOWS - who knows, who knows…..HE. WAS. FOUND. and he is one of the most beautiful boys I have ever seen….one of the most beautiful boys I have ever known….on occasion I pray for his birth mother……I mostly pray that she knows that her little boy is good, REALLY GOOD…that he is smart and funny and so freakin' cute…today I want to pray that she remembers his BIRTHday, that she remembers his precious face, that she remembers the moment she last saw him, that she REMEMBERS, period!!!!!
Anthony never knew his birthmother, Gabriel "knew" his for an
estimated month. Who gives up a child after a day, never mind a month because something just isn't
right? I'll tell you who does - CHINA - an entire country, that's who. I walked around those streets in China and anger just flooded through my veins…..and I wondered which woman also did this - which person could be a relative of my boys. In speaking with a friend the other say we talked about how because there are so many people in that country and so many orphans that everyone must know of someone who did this at least once- sure it's probably not spoken about but it is THERE - I pray that someone gets the strength to stand up against the crime, the sin, of leaving a child because they aren't up to some ludicrous standards.
I did not "birth" my boys, but instead hand picked them! Hand picked from a seemingly endless photo listings of beautiful children who deserve families. God put these boys in our hearts and I am eternally grateful. God didn't intend for these children to be abandoned, but he built a special place in our hearts for each of them - to be able to, among many other things, wish them a Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you, Anthony ZiHao Pellegrino, MY SON!!!!
He has a favorite "Billy" bear (beanie) and he asked for a Momma and Dadda bear for him (so sweet)!
Waking up to Birthday balloons!
Hmmm, what to do with all those balloons? STATIC- yeah!!!!!
Teaching my son how to steal a bit of cake before breakfast (& before Dadda comes back in the room)!
Please try to find in your heart a way to understand the immense pressure these birthparents were under when they gave birth to a baby with special needs. They were likely very poor and unable to pay for necessary medical treatment and any required special education or therapies. Can you imagine being in their shoes? Keeping a baby for a month suggests to me a desperate attempt to try to find a way to raise this baby- and a desperate attempt not to give him up and lose him forever. Chinese people are like people anywhere else, but poverty, anywhere, will wear you down with such hard choices that we cannot even conceive of. Your adopted children will likely still feel loss and love for their country and people of origin. Please do not belittle this, but embrace it. Providing them a bridge of compassion to China will help them feel loved and accepted in their new lives, new family.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment JLH114.....at the time I wrote this post those were indeed my feelings - anger for a country that does this - but I also struggle with the pressure that the people in China feel. As I got angrier, I searched for more information to try to understand this way of living (& leaving children). I found some interesting articles but the biggest impact on me was a video of a drop off box in Guangzhou (which was closed shortly after because of the many children left there). I watched & cried with the parents or relatives as they SUFFERED when they dropped off their children - some past toddlerhood, some they have held in their arms for years. In my search I was able to get a better understanding of the finances and the "hope" parents put in the orphanages as they think it is a better place for their child under those circumstances. It is truly heartbreaking. I can not imagine how I would handle such a situation. Recently I was explaining exactly what you are saying about the choices these parents have to make and I caught myself sounding like I was defending them - I can't do that without walking in their shoes - a pair of shoes that I hope to never walk in - but I can continue to pray for them. As I said in my blog - I only wish that my boys birth parents can know some how great they are doing. On the other side of the understanding is a county that does not "accept" differences - even if there is no medical necessity. There are children with missing fingers, ears, feet - there are children with the slightest of difference in arm length or children with a birth mark - nothing that requires any medical treatment EXCEPT that they are "different" - they still deserve the love of a family. With both of these views, we do understand the importance of keeping our sons county and people in their lives and we will do what we can to embrace it - thank you for that reminder.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your reflection. By the way, many children with the physical differences you mention are actually not abandoned- the country has such a huge population it is hard to grasp numbers. I had a Chinese foreign exchange student who had a hand defect- and he was as loved and spoiled as any rich Chinese boy can be! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks again for your comments and insight. I agree that there are some children that have differences that are not abandoned and are loved by the family and community. There are also many many that aren't. I have also beautifully seen children that were abandoned by a relative of the parents and the parents hunt their child down to bring them back home knowing they will love and care for them no matter what. So many people and so many stories. I try not to generalize but it's hard when there are just so many kids that need the love of a family right there - not just the love from far away as the reason they were given up (I believe in many many cases they were loved when they were given up). I still can't imagine living in those shoes.....
ReplyDeleteWhen we got our first son Anthony, he was given to us with a very bad foot infection (line going up the leg) and we will never forget the kind and compassionate doctor who did the follow ups (two days of hospital visits for 3 hour intravenous meds) - Dr. Lan had a repaired cleft lip and was attending medical school! Beautiful! Our Chinese escort even commented on how that was very rare for him to be "accepted" in that environment under his circumstances. Like I said, lots of good stories and lots of not so good.
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